463th post, rainy.

Two rejections.. I don't even know what to feel. And one had to come in the middle of the HK trip, while the other was waiting for me when I came home after the trip. Sometimes I feel so frigging blue because I don't know how to deal with it other than wait for a reply to my appeal, which honestly doesn't provide me with the slightest bit of assurance because I am still left hanging, waiting. Other times I feel nothing - probably already dipped my expectations so low as the time goes by that the fall isn't as hard or painful anymore. And then there are times when I'll feel a little more adventurous and crazy and wonder if this is a sign to live my life chasing after dreams rather than assimilate to the norm and study hard, simply to get a good job in the future.

Both the HK trip and CNBLUE's concert were awesome in helping me get my mind off this burdensome uni problem but now that both are over, I'm thrown back into harsh reality, having to wonder what went wrong because so many people have told me that my results were good enough to get into university. Now I can only hope that my appeals will be successful.. if given the chance, I will really work hard to shine.

*

On a brighter note, the HK trip has been an amazing one and I'm really thankful that my girls actually made it happen instead of just paying lip service. It makes me feel like they actually want to spend the quality time together too and it's not just my wishful thinking and I love them for that :) I really hope that they meant it when they expressed the wish to make this kind of overseas trip an annual one, it'll be be-awesome (short for beyond awesome, I forgot which cartoon I heard this word from haha) !��

462nd post, night.

C O N F U S E D .
This is the first song that came to my mind:
I don't know, where to go, what's the right team / I want my own thing / So bad I'm gonna scream / I can't choose, so confused / What's it all mean / I want my own dream / So bad I'm gonna scream

I feel so stifled now, please just stop asking and trust in me.
Adulthood is really taxing and I'm not even fully there yet.

461th post, afternoon.

Just.. played a Boscolie fan made video and I am overwhelmed with feels now.
I thought I was over and done with this ship but I guess not..
It still hurts when I look back at photos or videos.
Still torn between two sides of me.
One side of me really hopes that they will be able to resolve whatever problems or differences they had and reconcile some day, like Andy and Sammi.
Another side of me thinks that if they were really unhappy together/had irreconcilable differences, I would wish them all the best in finding their respective partners, partners that will give them abundance joy and happiness. Because I really want Myolie to be happy.

I guess.. we can only leave it up to fate.

460th post, night.

It's 2014!
Omg I can't believe another year passed just like that.
And I'm turning 20 this year, wow.
It's like I'm really gonna reach adulthood soon, yet I still look like a kid, feel like a kid.
Anyway, I just had the sudden impulse to note down some new year resolutions.
Let's hope most, if not all, of them are fulfilled by next year.
Though they're numbered, all the resolutions are equally important:
1. Get fitter! Like toned body, arms, legs and all. I have been saying I wanna start exercising for the longest time ever. It's time I put it into action.
2. Read more! I'm really lacking in general knowledge and I want to improve on my languages.
3. Gain more life experiences! Yes, this means go out into the real world and start working.
4. Learn new skills! I wanna learn how to play some musical instruments, starting with the guitar. I wanna learn how to drive a car. I wanna learn some new languages, probably starting with korean, and improve on my dialects - cantonese and teochew. I wanna learn how to take good pictures (but first i have to earn some money to buy myself a better camera).
5. I hope I can muster up the courage to talk to Myo (or at least ask for a photo together / autograph) lol
6. Have more courage in trying things I want to do / am interested in.
7. Constantly improve myself! I wanna be a better person, daughter, sister, friend etc.
8. I hope I can earn enough to bring my family on a trip.

That's about it for now. I'll add in some more if I happen to think of any.

Happy new year!

459th post, night.

It's been a month since A Levels ended.
I really don't know if I'll do well or not.
This uncertainty scares me.
What if these three years amount to nothing at the end of the day?
I probably could have studied even harder/didn't study as hard as I wanted to but I'm certain that I practiced a lot more for A Levels than all the other major exams I'd sat for - I have never gone for so many consultations or wrote so many essays before (except for maybe econs).
But still, there's this nagging fear that I have not done enough.
Just a moment ago I was getting all hyped up and excited about a possible trip to HK with my girls but then the realisation that the trip could be happening after we get back our A Level results dampened my spirits quite a bit.
I really really hope that it'll be a celebratory trip, a trip which we can truly enjoy, having the assurance of a place in university.
Please let this come true.
Please let all of us achieve amazing results.
And let us have an amazing trip.
And I hope to earn more than enough money to bring my family on a trip too.
Please please please.

On a side note, I watched Frozen recently and it is an amazing movie.
I think it is now my favorite Disney movie ♡

458th post, night.

A Levels is coming much much faster than I've expected and I'm honestly freaking out right now. Everyday I just go through a cycle of panicking and getting demoralised. I really don't want three years of my life in jc to go to vain. But I rly feel quite demoralised and screwed right now.

Ahhhhh no, this is not the time to feel demoralised!! No matter how screwed I feel, I have to keep trying. I have to tell myself that I can do this. I need to do this. I must do this. I just need to hang on and push on, it will be over before I know it. Please TYY, please keep going.

Labels: a levels

457th post, night.

So, I decided to drop by and leave a post haha. Because I think it's not enough to just write like 2/3 essays per week.. nah just kidding lol. I thought that i needed to document parts of my life so that I can have smth to look back to in the future.

First and foremost, we have all survived past 2012. I'm so glad we're all still alive and kicking even though I have to be subjected to a huge milestone in my life - A Levels. To be honest, I have never written so many essays in such a short span of time before. Time is passing by so fast and I can't believe A levels is in about 2 months plus time. I. don't. even. feel. ready. for. it. Punctuation for emphasis. But I am happy today because I can finally see some tiny bit of hope in my lit lol. Ms K actually said I write fluently which came as a surprise to me. Little encouragements like these keeps me going. I feel like I'm still too slack though, need to up my game in order to make the three years in JC worth it.

Secondly, I realised that change is indeed the only constant. So ironic. Friends I thought would last with me for life ended up drifting away and friends I wasn't so close to last year suddenly became much closer to me in a span of 3 months? But through this i'm glad that i can finally see who are most dear to me and who are the friends I should cherish more. And I also learnt to cherish the people who are truly important like my family and friends that stood by my side all these while despite having seen my imperfections. I love you all ♥

Last but not least, JC life is finally coming to an end. Though I would not miss the school, I would definitely miss the friends that have kept me going in this tedious and  tiring journey. We have finally bought the prom tickets! I can't wait to dress up and have fun with my girls! ♥

And pardon me if there's any weird expressions or grammatical errors, it's 12.50am now and I should be sleeping lol. Goodnight!

Labels: an update on my life